internetmessiah:

Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?…No you hang up first! Hello? 911?

gnarly:

*snapchats and texts the same person at the same time*

bombing:

noseblow:

bombing:

i’m on a seafood diet. i only eat seafood

that’s not how the joke goes lmao

do my weight loss goals seem like a fucking joke to you

chodeism:

the challenge was to see if i could make my eyebrows look like eyelashes
image

image

yep